just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
