I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
