i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize