is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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