Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
I just googled if crying burns calories
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
