She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
Non-Jews are for practice
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Randomize
