this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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