please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize