real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
We had to coat check the pizza.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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