You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
