I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Randomize
