I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
