1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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