You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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