I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Randomize
