We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Randomize
