You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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