Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Randomize
