i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
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