i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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