I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize