I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
