Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Randomize
