porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
Randomize
