I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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