I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Randomize
