shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Randomize
