do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
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