He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
We need a shit load of segways right now
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Randomize
