Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Randomize
