Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
