Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Randomize