Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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