I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
