either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Randomize
