I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
