gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
