That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Randomize
