Please, let me fuck your mom
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
