Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
In other news, I just burned my penis
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Randomize
