Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Randomize
