I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Randomize
