Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Be still, my beating vagina.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Randomize
