I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
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