The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Randomize
