I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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