bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
What did we do last night that was yellow?
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Randomize
