also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Randomize
