I am in a vortex of obligation.
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
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