why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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