It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
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