Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
