take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
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