is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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