They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Randomize
