my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
i'm not sure what happened. i know i woke up on the floor of his bathroom, then had morning sex with him. dont remember getting to his apt. dont remember much.
morning sex?... maybe not a total mistake then? he seems like a normal person, so rare at BU
oh no, he's far from normal. i know his high school girlfriend. she's CRAZY. and he definitely deals prescription drugs. also. he had sex with me even though i slept on his bathroom floor.
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
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