so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
