I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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