you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
