I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Randomize
