Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
