Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
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