Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
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