Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
Randomize
