you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Randomize
