he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
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