The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
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