i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
