Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
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