my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
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