OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
I'm jealous of your bromance
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Randomize
